almost jumping

Such a crazy emotional day. Everything was good at school. I laughed more than I thought was possible in English class. We acted out scene 4 from Hamlet, which was hilarious, then we had extra time so we played heads up four up which was fun. I love the kids in my english class. But then, one boy in my class said "hey, did you get into northwestern?" and I said "huh?". We both applied to the same school, and he had just gotten an email that said he wasn't accepted. I got out of class, ran to the library, and found out that I didn't get in. This really upset me, I really wanted to go to school at Northwestern, which is in Chicago. I applied to four easy-ish schools, and four schools that are very difficult to get into. I got into NYU which is probably the easiest to get into of the four, the two hardest to get into are Pomona and the University of Chicago. Since I didn't get into Northwestern I pretty much had to assume that I wouldn't get into the other schools I wanted to go to.

I was kinda depressed and upset. Then I got home, went to the mailbox, grabbed the mail and saw a fat envelope from the university of Chicago. And I burst into tears and cried so hard. I'm so happy I got into that school. This completely validates all the hours of working my ass off to do well in high school. I don't know if I'll actually get to go there, but I want to soooo badly.

I'M SO HAPPY.

I don't get a second of rest these days. I've become so fucking tired of my school play, its sucking my time away from me. I pretty much spent my whole weekend on the Island. Last night I spent the night over there so I wouldn't have to go all the way back to Seattle in the middle of the night then come right back in the morning for the next play. I was planning on spending the night at one of my friends houses, but then she told me we were going to a "geek" party. I went along, I had nothing else to do, but I felt kinda awkward the entire time. I think I'm less openminded here at home, last year I had tons of all sorts of friends, but now on this silly little island there are just some people that I don't hang around. I did end up having a lot of fun talking to one girl and playing this awesome Japanese video game. The most awkward moments of the night came when Mr. Myspace came over. There were some bizarre moments where we were alone together and I was just a complete bitch to him. (I feel bad about that now).


Katamari Damasy!!

The plays went well, I was happy to spend time with my friends on the Island, and now I'm just so tired and so happy to be at my house.

I'm worried about all the shit thats happened in France recently with the protests. I sincerly hope that any and all violence stops and everything becomes normal again. Paris is such a magical place that its very disturbing to thing of it having problems. (Then again, it doesn't seem as bad as all the stuff that happened in November, and that ended eventually).

I'm also upset about the shootings on Capitol Hill. One of my friends who is in my school play with me got a phone call from her best friends, saying that her brother had been shot at this party. A boy just walked in to a party and shot everyone there, then himself. My friend was crying like crazy, she didn't come to the play today. Bad things happen everywhere, when you'd least expect them to.

AHHH. I love being the center of attention, I'm feeling such a high right now. I'm the understudy for one of the starring roles in a play at my school. Today I got to perform. Now I'm buzzing. I did really well, I felt so much crazy chemistry with the boy I have to act with. He makes it easy for me to pretend to be in love with him, he always stares right into my eyes and holds me really close. Anyway, he's such a good actor that it gave me a lot of energy, so I think I did really well tonight. And I nailed my song. Now everyone knows that I can sing.


I'm about to burst from happiness. I haven't been on stage in soooo long and I love it so much, I love it love it love it. You haven't seen me in action till you've seen me on stage.

Recent events are making me entirely rethink my plans for my future. I always planned on going to a college in the US and spending a year abroad after a couple of years. Today, I got an email from NYU telling me that I have been accepted into their Freshman Year in Florence Program. I'd spend my first year of college in Florence, Italy, then the next three in New York. This is such a bombshell. At first I was upset, I wanted to go to NYU, not this program. I wanted to have a traditional American College education. Lots of parties and studying all night and cheering for football teams. Then I realized that this is actually amazing. I could spend another year in Europe. I've never had a desire to live in Italy, but why not? I mean, that is the type of person I am, I'm the girl who loves traveling. This is so crazy to me. I've now gotten accepted at three of the schools I applied to. I have no idea what I'm going to do with myself. I'm excited.

I'm really an adult! I voted today! I mean, it was only for some propsition to give the school district more money, but still, I exercised my rights as an American citizen.

Who the fuck asks someone out over myspace?
I went on myspace yesterday and I had this message:

Hey, you are really cool and i was wondering if you would maybe like to go to a movie or something with me? im sorry that i asked you out on a date on myspace, but im a corny kind of guy

Thats even tackier than asking someone out in an IM. It does kinda make it easier for me to say no to him. Now the question is how will I reject this boy? I hate hurting people, and I know he really does like me.

Alll next week my classes start at 10 am! I dont have to leave home until 9! I can't wait to sleep.

I came home today to a couple of envelopes from colleges.

envelope 1 said I did not get accepted into the Honors College at the UW. (I'm already in the school, this is just a special program for smart kids... apparently I'm not smart enough)

envelope 2 said I got into Gonzaga University in Spokane, Wa. This is the school my mom really wants me to go to, but I don't really like it, actually, its kinda last on my list. Still, I'm pretty happy that now I'm into two universities-- I have a choice. Then, I was going through the papers, and I realized I have a $34,000 scholarship to Gonzaga ($8,500 each year). I almost fell over. Thats soooo much money. This is a great thing, but also kinda a bad thing because now my mom wants me to go there even more. Holy Shit. Did you see that? A school wants to give me $34,000.

It snowed today, I was running to the bus stop in this cold, wet snow rain. To get to the metro stop by my school you need to go down this wooded road. It was so beautiful with the snow falling on the trees. Then I got hit with a strong urge to see one of my friends from last year. I think of snow and I think of him. I wish he could be with me today.

Today was a beautiful, happy day. The sort of day that just makes you smile inside and out. It was our last day of winter trimester; next week we will have finals. During weight training I snuck up to the wrestling room with some friends. We sat on the wrestling mats with my laptop and watched Family Guy and the Office and laughed and laughed. I started off weight training seriously—I always worked out and ran and did as I was told. Then I quickly realized that our teacher didn’t actually care. More often than not, my friends and I went to class for the first 20 minutes, then changed, jumped in a car, and went off to buy lunch in town. And twice a week or so, we’d go watch The Office in the wrestling room like today. I have to say that I do feel a tiny bit of remorse for this. I’ve been getting 100% participation points for a class that I skip almost every single day. Even so, I don’t feel enough guilt to stop skipping.

Work tomorrow. Then mucho studying for finals.

P.S. The exchange student from Denmark is teaching me Danish! I can say “shut up”, “hi”, “thanks” and count to ten.

Music→ “Oh, Goddamnit!” Hot Hot Heat

(Sometimes I get so fucking tired of acting like I am happy all the time.)