almost jumping

"When Giovanni wanted me to know that he was displeased with me, he said that I was a "vrai américain"; conversely, when delighted, he said that I was not an American at all; and on both occassions he was striking, deep in me, a nerve which did not throb in him. And I resented this: resented being called an American (and resented resenting it) because it seemed to make me nothing more than that, whatever that was; and I resented being called not an American because it seemed to make me nothing."
-- Giovanni's Room by James Baldwin

I'm done! Everything even went relatively well! Except for calc... but I still don't even feel too bad about that. My papers were good, especially my sosc one, my French exam was awesome. And now I'm done, and I'm left with such a sense of accomplishment. I somehow handled a quarter of college, I can do this. I can't wait to see my friends, I'm so excited to go home and be in Seattle and breathe the air and hug my parents and friends. I'm going to shop, go to shows, go to the island. I can't wait to sit down and read a book for myself... as opposed to some book on sociology or economic theory. My brain is tired.

1. Yourself: Stressed
2. Your spouse: eventually
3. Your hair: curly
4. Your mother: teacher
5. Your father: artist
6. Your dream last night: vivid
7. Your favorite drink: cocoa!
8. Your dream car: ferari
9. Your bedroom: bright
10. Your fear: lonliness
11. What you want to be in 10 years: europe
12. Who you hung out with last night: Ari
13. What you're not: energized
14. Muffins: jiffy
15. Time: mean
16. The last thing you did: wrote
17. What you are wearing: uncommon
18. Your favorite weather: rain
19. The last thing you ate: cheese
20. Your life: decent
21. Your mood: stressed
22. Your best friend: seattle
23. What are you thinking about right now?: Durkheim
24. Your car: mazda
25. What are you doing at the moment?: paper
26. Your summer: rough
27. Your relationship status: single
28. What is on your TV? Nothing.
29. What is the weather like? snowy
30. When is the last time you laughed? protest

It seems like recently a lot of people have been debating whether or not they are really, truly happy here. Watching other people struggle has really made me question how I feel about where I am right now. I remember back in France, I told myself for the first three months that I was SO HAPPY! I LOVED FRANCE! But really, looking back, I was having fun, but I was lonely and wasn't really feeling fantastic emotionally. So what now? I had a rough couple of weeks surrounding my birthday, filled with stuggles emotionally, physically, and educationally. But then I went away for Thanksgiving, I came back, and I felt so overjoyed. I saw one friend walk into my hall and I was so glad to see him, then another door opened and I saw another girl, and my closest friend here ran up the stairs. And I sat and talked to these kids for two hours, gushing over our weekends and all the things we did and bought and all the homework we still have to do. I am happy here, how could I not be with these people around me? I love that I live with my friends, they drive me INSANE sometimes, but I really feel glad to be in the place that I am, surrounded by so many people who love me so much. When I'm in pain, I have 50 arms reaching out to hug me.

This doesn't stop me from missing my Seattle friends, or my France friends for that matter... I've sincerely neglected some of them, some people who mean the world to me. I'm working on it.

Last night was crazy. I camped out in a friend's room for hours, watching the election returns with three other kids. I was doing my homework as the results rolled in, so I managed to be social and productive at the same time. We had this huge map on his wall with all the states, on the states were written the numbers of the districts that were swing districts, these numbers were written on in the color that they were leaning. We circled them in the color of the party that actually won them. And we shaded in the states as Senate positions were won.

This is such an exciting day to be an American. Let's recap:
The House of Representatives is now ran by the Democrats! AND the new House Speaker is Nancy Pelosi, the first woman to hold that position.
The Senate could potentially belong to the democrats... it all depends on Virginia. And we won't know that result for months and months.
But even if we don't get it, we still can be exceedingly pleased that only Democrats won new seats, no new seats were won at all by the Republicans.
To top that off, Rumsfeld is scared of Democrats, so he resigned.

Nice work America, you are looking better with each passing moment.

update: the dems have the senate!!! fuck yeah!!!!! i can be proud to be an american again!!

Road trips, playing frisbee for nine hours after one hour of sleep, amazing girls, amazing guys, running and running, having every muscle in my body scream in pain, lots of bagels, speeding tickets, the game, disney sing-a-longs, breaking the cup-o-saurus, not doing any homework at all. And this too: